Every day we act in ways that don’t move us forward. I stay in bed longer than needed, sue me. With that here are a few late-year ideas on ways to make everyone around you like you some and tips on how to be a better human:
1. Stop using “!” in email subject lines since you’re not as important as you think you are. Remember nothing is urgent except babies flying out of mothers. And stop blind-copying. This is a big eyeroll and people will think less of you (and thinking is hard to do).
2. When stepping into an elevator turn off all contraptions and talk to the person there. Try a few human steps and maybe Orwell can stop spinning in his grave!
3. When driving just drive. Try it once. No CD changing, satellite connecting, phone dialing, talking to yourself, text making, makeup wearing, seat adjusting, screaming at back seat person, even singing. “Accidents will happen. I don’t want to hear it /Cause I know what I’ve done.” (Thanks Elvis.)
4. Pick up the phone and call someone with whom you sport-mail constantly (back and forth, forth and back) but haven’t called in — no, no you’ve never called! Voices carry. Indeed.
5. Grab a piece of trash on the way to work (stop — not a person) or Starbucks. After dropping the trash in the can, spritz your hand with Purell when you arrive.
6. Say one fabulous and positive thingat random about your spouse, whether you feel like it or not. To anyone.
7. Count your change. I bet you half the time there’s a mistake there. Let the cashier know they got caught. The crowd behind you will cheer…
8. Ask someone — anyone — for help. Even if you have to pretend you don’t know everything. This act always surprises people. Then you’re not the jackass they thought.
9. Read something that surprises you, and share it with someone you don’t ordinarily like. See the response. Then watch the relationship change in seconds.
10.First breathe. And then speak. Three breaths, deep and strong. It’s stunning what happens when things that come to you in your own addled head stay there.
11.Ignore the newest technology. For once. Don’t run to the Apple Store. Damn it, watching the last episode of Grey’s Anatomy on your new techno-toaster is not a good use of your glasses.. If we put a machine down for seven seconds an hour, we become better than Neanderthals. Vonnegut will smile down from wherever he is.
Thanks for playing. Now try and become a better words of wise-ass-ness than me. I dare you.
Are you still reading?